It was 5.00pm and I was still rushing my marketing project on facial care. I felt like dead meat, because I knew I needed at least another 12 hours of work to complete the project in order to present the next day. What hit me harder, was when my mum texted my family and said that my cat, Mayo, had cancer.
Mayo had been suffering from gastrointestinal problem for two to three months. While we brought Mayo to the vet a few times, each time, the doctor would prescribe different medicines, but Mayo would only become slightly better or have no improvement. Mayo started to stagger in the way she walked. She could no longer jump. She was no longer that playful. But Mayo still greeted me whenever I'm home. Her eyes would lit up, she would meow again and again, stagger over to me, and brush her body against me again and again and again...
Last night, I was back home past midnight and I was weary because of the overtime work I had. But I greeted Mayo, who came and brush herself over me. I always had sensitive skin, so I avoided touching Mayo with my hands, because my hands could become very itchy. But sometimes I still do, just because touching Mayo means showing more affection to her.
Then today at 5.00pm, I received the shock of my life at my work desk. Mayo had cancer, and because Mayo was in pain, but was under anesthesia then, the vet recommended for Mayo to be euthanized and put to sleep then. While my family was still at a loss, my mum made the decision to let Mayo be put to sleep... Mayo breathed her last, and it was so heart-wrenching to see her lifeless... But the Vet said she passed on in the most peaceful and relaxed way possible.
The full reality of the loss had not sunk in yet. I still continued to rush my work, until my hunger was too much, and I left the office to buy dinner home. On my way back, I began to collect all the pictures I had of Mayo. The more I collected, the more my chest began to ache, and the more my gut felt sick. As I reached home, I sit in my room and continued to collect the pictures.
I listened to my Praise & Worship playlist on Spotify. As I listened, and dedicated an album and post for Mayo, the full blunt of the loss hit me. I lied on my bed and sobbed. When I got out of bed, I continued to sob terribly, and I continued to cry all the way till it was almost 12.00am...
Why God WHY?
Why did it had to be so sudden...
Why didn't I get to say goodbye?
Why didn't I spend more time with Mayo last night, and patted and hugged Mayo?
Why God Why...
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In the midst of all the pain and grief. God was with me. He was actually comforting me, telling me that it is okay to grief, telling me that His love never fails and He loves Mayo too. More than that, by the end of the night, He even gave me a peace of heart, and assured me that I could let go and be assured that Mayo has returned to be with Jesus and my Heavenly Father. I know I sound crazy. But let me exactly what happened amidst all of this grief.
God assured me of His presence and of Mayo's peaceful passing through 3 signs:
1.
The first was really dumb. I was copying photos of Mayo from my phone onto my computer. As I copied over, there was suddenly an error in the copying. The error message showed this:
Yeah whuuut? CATastrophic failure? How did it even happened, I'm just copy-pasting files! I tried copying over again, and this time the photos could be transferred without hassle.
2.
The second thing that God did was that He comforted me through my Spotify Praise & Worship playlist. I had 160 songs on the playlist, of which at least close to 1/3 of the songs are more uplifting and happy. But as I left the playlist playing on random, all the songs that played on for the next few hours that I was griefing, were all more emo in nature. It include songs such as "More Than Enough", "Mention of Your Name" and "Even When It Hurts".
My brother himself exclaimed that the songs that I was playing were all pretty dam emo. As I realized this, I suddenly received an impression that the next song that will be played is "Do It Again". Lo and behold, after 3 seconds, the next song that played was "Do It Again", which is a song about crying out to God that He really is a good and loving God, amidst what seems like bitter distress. As the song played, I continued to pray, and as I did I began to feel God unwinding my heart. I felt His assurance that He knows how I feel, and that He loves me and Mayo even more than I myself do.
When the song ended, I felt like my sorrow had largely been lifted. And the next song that played was "Thank You Lord", which was a song that expresses thanks to God amidst the good and the bad times. My heart felt the same, and I felt like I could give thanks to God amidst Mayo's sudden passing. The next song that played was the praise song "This Is Living" now. It was so upbeat and uplifting, and I really felt alive and joyful again! And that joy came from knowing that God was with me and He is comforting me.
3.
God did not stop there. He left the biggest surprise to me, and even to my mum and brother at the end. I was really hungry since 5.00pm, but I lost the hunger when the grief started to kick in. I grieved and did not eat my dinner until it was 12.00am, which was after I felt more comforted over Mayo's death. As I ate my dinner, I continued on with the anime I last watched, Made in Abyss, and watched the final episode, episode 13.
As I watched it, I was ambushed by the story and the emotions that came with it. Of all the 2000s to 3000s of anime episodes I watched, I have never watched a single episode, that was on the euthanasia of a beloved friend. But Made in Abyss episode 13 was exactly that. It shared the tragedy between 2 friends, one whom suffered to the point of losing her humanity and was in physical pain. At the end of the episode, the friend who was suffering could finally rest in peace, and there was peaceful closure that this friend was in a better place.
No one could have placed this episode, out of the 10,000s or 100,000s anime episodes in the world, right in my face, immediately after I have grieved for the past few hours over my cat's euthanasia... Jesus, it can only be you who let it happened. My mum and my brother also happened to seat beside me to watch an anime (For The Very First Time). They were both grieving too, and were amazed when the anime showed the similar pain and situation that we were going through.
The lost I felt for Mayo was real. Otherwise, I would not have been at a lost, and then bawling like a baby for a few hours.
But God... Thank you for being so personal, to be there to comfort me, when I did not know what to do, when I was so hurt and confused. Thank you for answering me as I prayed to you. And thank you for letting me know that Mayo is in a better place now, that she has returned to you, my Heavenly Father, who have created everything and have loved us so dearly that you sent your one and only Son, Jesus, to die for our sin...
Indeed Lord, you are a God who loves us from the beginning. And although sin has separated us from you; shutting us from hearing your voice and making us rebel against you, you did not stop there. You chose to pay for our sin on the Cross, so that we do not have to pay the penalty of sin, which is eternal separation from you and eternal spiritual death. Indeed, in your word, you said:
"The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."
Lord, you do not want any of us to be eternally separated from you. But you want us to come back to you, to receive your forgiveness, and to regain our identities as your sons and daughters. You will return to Earth again in time, and you will make everything right, removing all pain, all injustice, and all sufferings... But until then, you are patient and do not want anyone of us to perish...
So, even today, even right now, you are continually calling out to each of us who are lost, to turn back to you.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Jesus, thank you that when we believe in you, that you died for our sin, we can now receive eternal life and know your love for us.
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To you who are reading this post, whatever that I have written is true, and what I wrote is also an outpouring of my heart. Today, if you feel moved; and you feel Jesus calling you to know him, do not harden your heart. But take a step of faith to pray and say:
"Yes, Jesus I may not know you yet. But I feel you calling me, and I want to receive eternal life and receive your love for me."
If you want to receive Jesus as your savior, say these words and mean them in your heart:
"Lord Jesus, for too long I’ve kept you out of my life. I know that I am a sinner and that I cannot save myself. No longer will I close the door when I hear you knocking. By faith I gratefully receive your gift of salvation. I am ready to trust you as my Lord and Savior. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for coming to earth. I believe you are the Son of God who died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead on the third day. Thank you for bearing my sins and giving me the gift of eternal life. I believe your words are true. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus, and be my Savior. Amen."
If you found my story to be amazing and want to hear more, do reach out to me! Or if you want to know more about Jesus and why I believe He is not only real in my life, but historically, and logically, truly the Son of God, reach out to me through a text or meet up too! I would love to share with you more (Phone: 90027623)
Peace be with you ✋
