A while back, Hsienjuen celebrated her 22nd with many people that matter to her. And because they matter, she invited them not just to celebrate, but so that she could share about how God loves her and touched her life to them. I was really inspired by that. So during my 22nd, if there's a reason to hold a celebration, it would be to celebrate that by God's grace, I am who I am and share about God's love to my friends and loved ones :)
In this post, I want to share about how my journey with God begin, and how much God had transformed me from then till now.
I was born in a Christian family. So I go to Church from time to time when I'm young. However, I was totally disinterested in Church and would often fall asleep when I was there. Though I was familiar with stories like David and Goliath, and Moses and the Red Sea, I barely knew who God is and whether I believed he existed.
When I was P3, I went to China with my mum and my brother to stay there for 4 years. I was a really self-centered brat who always bullied, yes bullied and even beat my brother, who argued with my mum and my brother, and wanted to get things the way I want it. I often got myself miserable and sian because of such stubbornness and selfishness.
During my time in China, there were 3 instances where I became more aware of God or at least felt a real need for Him. The first was when I had flu with 40+ degree fever. Even with the medications, I still felt very ill and even had to put a spoon in my mouth. At that moment, I felt scared as I saw that my life could be over before I know it. So I prayed to God that he'll heal me. The 2nd was when my mum's kindergarten business was taken over by a scam. My mum left her educational business in SG to invest much time, effort and money in the kindergarten. There is this fear of wondering what's left and what's next when it is gone. So me, my brother and my mum prayed to God together. Shortly after, God provided for another even bigger and better Kindergarten to open through cooperating with another business partner. The 3rd was when I went to a Church camp for the first time. During the camp worship, I felt a joy and freedom like never before, and felt God's love sweeping over me tangibly. So during the camp night, I even went to have personal prayer time with God. However, shortly after the camp, I forgot about how tangible His presence and love was. I even started to wonder if God was real again.
After staying in China for 4 years, my mum wanted me and my brother to resume education in SG. So, we came back and I started Sec 1 education at St. Gabriels boy school. I was an autistic kid from young, so I was bullied a lot when I was in Cat High Primary. In China, I had to change schools 4x and I was an overseas & transfer student, so the local students there were nice to me. However, when I was in St. Gabriels I got bullied a lot everyday, and the boys there did all sorts of prank on me. I was initially enthusiastic about school and studies, even excelling in some of my initial assignments. But I started to hate school. I ended up spending most of my time gaming, watching anime and neglecting my school work. I did not tell my mum and dad about it. My dad always worked overtime till late night and my mum was still working in China.
At the end of Sec 1, I did badly and failed many subjects. During the meet-the-parent session, I started to cry badly when I realized how far off I was from all that I could be. I neglected my studies, neglected relationships, neglected my health and was instead consumed on things like gaming and anime. I cried out to God and asked Him, that if He is real, may he give me a new start. When Sec 2 begin, my mum appealed for me to transfer to Kuo Chuan Presbyterian Sec School, a Christian school. When the Vice-principal interviewed us, she could see that my results were bad, and though she wanted to help, there was already a long list of waiting applicants that wanted to transfer to KCPSS. Just when it seemed hopeless, my parents bumped into the principal of the school. After talking to him, the principal requested for an admin check, and discovered that one of the Sec 2 students just transferred out. And so, they accepted me into KCPSS where a new start and journey began.
After transferring over, I cut down a lot on my gaming and anime, studied really hard and also put in more effort to interact with my new classmates. I was still autistic, however my classmates were much nicer and did not do things like pranks on me. In the later half of the year, I developed chronic migraine that lasted for about 2 months. I even needed to take MC from school and be hospitalized for treatment. When I was treated, it was around then that I met some guys from Hope Church. Though I never knew them, they invited me for their special service "Plug-In", showing a plug plugging in. I do not recall when did I even hang out on a weekend with strangers, but I was prompted to go for it. When I went, I once again felt the kind of joy, the kind of freedom and love from God that I experienced during the Church camp I went in China. It was like I plugged-in to his presence, and I was reminded of how God had been watching over me even though I'm not aware of Him and he loves me. So I dedicated my life to begin a personal relationship with Jesus then.
At the end of Sec 2, I got amazing results that I never expected. In spite of the period of chronic migraine, God helped me to turn around from doing badly and failing to receiving these results. In Sec 3, I was paired to sit together with Gan Qi. Gan Qi often played pranks and disturbed others including me, he is kind of like the class bully. So I was never good at talking with him. However, when I found out that he plays Dota. I invited him for a special service and LAN on Saturday. When he came, he responded to receive Jesus into his life without being sure what was happening, as me and my friends were asking if he wanted to respond. Though he still continues to disturb me, he started to want to know more about God himself. However, he had to leave to study in Hong Kong at the end of Sec 3. Being his mentor help me to be involved in and care more for somebody, making me someone who is more loving and intentional even though I was bad at communicating with others. In Sec 4, I sat together with Shaun and we started to game online together. He decided to visit Hope Church and continued to come. God brought both of my table buddies to journey in that life stage with me and I'm thankful for them.
I scored 11 points for O levels and went to SAJC. It just happened that even though an average of 2/3 students from my school go to SAJC, 11 students (including 10 classmates and Shaun) went to SAJC during my year. Shaun stopped coming to Hope due to the O level Grads community which he couldn't get along with. Later on, he came to Hope again and joined me with the SALG family. The SALG family was warm and caring. When I joined them, I was surprised by how much they welcomed and cared for me, and they gave me the best decorated card I've seen (even up till date). I got connected to the LG by meeting Zuoen, who just happened to be in the same Orientation group as me during Orientation week. Me and Shaun joined the same CCAs (Sports and Fitness & Frisbee) and also studied together. Though he left Hope in J2 because he wasn't sure if God is real, we continued to study and fellowship together. The motto of SAJC is "No one is here by chance" and I really believe it to be so. After A levels, Shaun visited Hope just before I enlisted and it was then that he chose to receive Jesus into his life. Gan Qi also came back to SG to serve NS and just happened to be in the Company next door to me in BMT.
I could go on about the many blessings, people and events that God had place in my life; even the undeniable supernatural healings. But I believe that I already shared some of it in the other posts (like "NS journey..", "SEAL-ed..", "21st//.." etc) or to you personally. Even though I was autistic with little situational awareness, God changed me to become someone who is intentional, who cares for and talks to others. Even though I had low self-esteem, wondering even about what to say for my next line and then worrying about it after speaking, God changed me into someone who takes courage, to share about Jesus to others even when they do not know Him. I was self-centered, going on about myself, but God changed me to look beyond myself to understand and meet the needs of others. He also made me become somebody who values important things in life. No longer consumed by gaming, addictions, anime, I started to value studies, relationships, health, ministry, the Great Commission and Him above all. He also weaved the little details in my life together, be it the good or the "bad", such as my journey with Gan Qi & Shaun, to bring me to His Story that he continues to write today.
If you do not yet know Jesus, I pray that you'll receive Him into your life soon. He loves you so much that he died for your sins, and he does not condemns you. He wants to have a personal relationship with you, to guide you through the good and bad times in life, to give you wisdom through his Word, to bring about healing, restoration, joy etc and ultimately give you an eternal rest and Home with him through Salvation. God bless :)
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