Today, I had a long and great chat with my mentee, Etienne. We talked about recent happenings, about our walk with God, about how God blessed and led us. We then talked about what a theme of 2015 would be for us personally. That theme was clear for me, it was "Set Apart". From the start of the year, to how God had been moving in my life and speaking to me. This was something that he convicted in my soul over and over again.
1st, let me share about the amazing breakthrough I experienced in the recent 1 to 2 months. At the very start of the year, I experienced a low, where I felt that some things were going wrong and I asked God why. I also felt under-appreciated. It is said that you reap what you sow. I felt that I really love God and desire to know Him more and serve Him more, however I wasn't given a chance to lead and some fruits were not bearing. When I felt under-appreciated, and felt that things were going wrong then, something that led me to hope was the steadfast joy I had in Christ. Knowing that He loves me, and is already working for my good, but the fullness of joy and satisfaction comes when Jesus returns again.
I have also been attending Hope Sem, attending Bible OT1 & OT2 mods. A couple weeks back, I was studying Psalm. As I read the book of Psalm, my soul resonated with the praises and laments of the Psalmists. They worship God genuinely from their hearts, they do not hide their sorrows or feelings of injustice, but yet they always praise and put their hope in God being who He is. That week's service, the worship was amazing. I couldn't help but praise with my whole being, especially as I sung "Ever Be" by Bethel, as I really wanna keep saying "Your praise will ever be on my lips".
However, what irony it is that later on that Saturday night, some things happened that made me feel affected and hurt, feeling that I'm under-appreciated and struggled with an issue of pride. I started to reason about whether I'm more prideful than another, I started to think about my walk with God and how I serve etc. This made me felt more and more hurt, and the thoughts got me no where. I was at a low all again. I even "invited" the comfort of temptations and started to want to be more bo chap about some things.
Despite so, as I remember that I do really love God, and I am indeed in awe of Him. I decided to pour out and lament to Him, and also continue to praise and worship God. As I listened to "Ever Be" by Bethel, I listened to the rest of the album "We Will Not Be Shaken". I came across "No Longer Slaves", and as I listened to it, something began to happened. As I listened to the lyrics, my soul was rocked to the core, as if I'm in the midst of some crazy storm. I'm no longer a slave to fear, Yes! I am a Child of God, Amen! The simple yet powerful revelation of how loved and blessed I am to be a Child of God rocked my world. It means that the world can be against me but God is for me. It means that He disciplines me, but He favors me. It means that He longs to commune with me and longs to give me good gifts. It means that I can come as a Child into His embrace. It's.. just so powerful..
Then on, I listened to "No Longer Slaves" almost a few times everyday and would even sing and proclaim along with it. Even today, I have listened to it at least about 6/7 times :) I found greater delight in seeking God and walking with Him, be it starting my day with Him, saying Amen to His Word, praying and worshiping, or be it even in wanting to go through things I do with Him. Something that had previously seem like a big struggle, started to fade away in the horizon. I would previously see that it's so easy to fall to it. But as I know that I'm no longer condemned, and I can enjoy such intimacy with God as His child, I simply desired for more of God, wanting to delight and seek Him. When it came to that struggle, or things that made me feel not right, I started to detest it, not simply because it's something that's wrong or because it's a "sin". But because, I desire to continue to come into my Father's embrace, to continue to know Him and receive what He has for me, I find things that try to delude or detract me in my relationship with God to be offensive, and I naturally want to avoid them. I had my biggest breakthrough in the struggle, but it simply came from the overflow of knowing that I am a Child of God.
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