Yes, so sometime during the 2nd week of July, I might have too much sugar in my blood. This bugger bit me and it might have been the same one that bit my mum a week earlier.
On that Friday(10/7/2015), I left house to play basketball. Just when I stepped out, I suddenly felt extremely giddy, so giddy that I may even fall down or walk into a tree. But I dismissed it as a passing giddy spell and went to play basketball anyway. When I played, I didn't feel giddy anymore and was even in top form. I overexerted myself while playing, and when I stopped, my body was extremely weak, shivering, cold, and I was feeling a bit giddy again. When I got home that night, I developed a headache, it did not go away and just before I slept, I somehow knew that it will still be there after I wake up the next morning.
Saturday(11/7/2015), I woke up feeling horrible. My skull felt like it was being crushed, my head was really giddy, my eyes hurt too. I also had really bad body aches, especially at the whole of my lower back from over-exertion. I tossed about my bed for almost 2h, before forcing myself out of bed to cab down for Church service. I did not know if it was smart of me, but when I spent the time to worship God. I was happy, that I did not just worship when things are ok and good, but I get to acknowledge His goodness and greatness even while I'm so sick. Pastor Tim also shared that it is not about how we feel, but about our deliberate choice to worship God that pleases God. Hence, I was glad I cabbed down and went home after that.
I continued resting at home, but it only became worse, to add on to the worsening symptoms, my body was burning up quite badly. The body aches were on par with all the other pains, as they hurt a lot regardless of whether I stand, sit or lie down. By the time I got to hospital, I got a 39.5C fever, I really felt like I was dying. The few drips the nurses gave really lowered my fever and made me much better, despite of the other symptoms that remained.
For the rest of the weekend, until the mid week(11-15th July), I could do nothing. I just kept sleeping, I could not help my mum with her work, I could barely do a bit of housework, and I could not read the Bible or journal. On Thursday, I dragged myself to LG(Or cell group), and I could not stay the whole way as I was really giddy. On Friday, I crashed my friend house too, but I was giddy all the time.
"Prosperity" in All Areas - Hell Week Finale
Then came this horrible Saturday(18/7/2015). Because of Polyclinic check up, I missed half of service and the worship. My dad also gave me $100, but I lost it and I had no idea where it went. I was in need of financial providence so $100 is BIG. The sermon at service was on "Prosperity in all areas", and was taught as part of the core values in the Singapore pledge. However, I certainly felt like the opposite was the case in all areas. I did not even have $10 to give for offering.
My computer internet access suddenly stopped working, and the connection still displayed "Internet Access". I could not browse the internet, but the Skype was somehow working. Every other computer in the house worked fine. I spent hours trying to fix it while I was sick and needed rest, but nothing worked. I wanted to reboot it, but realized I needed a CD to reboot Windows 8.1 and I did not have it. Then, there are also many people in my life that needed help/support(be it financially, emotionally etc), and I would have been able to help if I was fully well. But I was still sick and miserable. My LG also discussed for a fellowship event, but a picnic at Botanic Gardens just did not click with me, but it may have been because I was already very sian at this point.
I lacked sleep, my health was bad, my finances was lacking, my computer screwed up, things don't go the way I expected(schedule, fellowship planning etc), people around me needed help(some whom I promised I would help, but couldn't because of illness). The worse part of it was that I didn't know what to do about them all. I cannot fix my computer, I'm simply down with dengue, my $100 is no where to be found, what am I to do?
I felt like Job, the man of God lost the prosperity he had in all areas of his life and was even stricken with ailments overnight. The suffering, agony and confusion he went through is much more than whatever I felt at the moment. I was so sian, that I was punching walls, moaning in agony, rolling around my bed, walking around, over and over again.
But before I slept, I read the Bible on 1 Thessalonians 5(The final words of Paul to the Thessalonians):
"Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape."Give thanks in all circumstances, for that is God's will for me." Ok, God I know that you are real in my life. I don't know why are areas in my life failing, and how they can get better. I feel really sian, but because you say to give thanks regardless of circumstances. I will praise you for the goodness you have already shown me, for your greatness, for all that you created, for your everlasting love, and more. Let your will be done in my life God.
But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Do not quench the Spirit. Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil.
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.
Brothers and sisters, pray for us. Greet all God’s people with a holy kiss. I charge you before the Lord to have this letter read to all the brothers and sisters.The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you."
The Turning Point - Heaven Week
It's Sunday(19/7/2015), my summer missions team was meeting to celebrate 2 ppl's birthdays. However at the last minute, people cmi or had to come late. To add on to that, we had not designed the cards, got the cakes and planned the surprises. I was also still sick and sian, I thought that we may not even get to meet on the Sunday anymore. To my surprise, the birthday celebrations were great and we had a good fellowship too.
I was still giddy, and I had to shop for a list of stuff for SMU Freshman Team Building(FTB) Orientation camp. However, I did not have much money, and the stuff that I needed to get (thermometer, trash bags, torchlight, poncho etc). I first went to an IT shop to consult the staff about my computer's issue. The staff told me that Windows 8.1 needed CD to reboot, but for Acer brand, you do not need the CD, and you can simply refresh(rebooting while keeping data) the computer. I did that when I got home and my computer is back up again and I like it more now after reorganizing some stuff on it. What was more amazing was that when I suddenly decided to give my mum a call to ask her if we already have any of the items I am shopping for, she told me that she was also at Nex, and she accompanied me to get all the things I needed.
On Monday(20/7/2015), me and 2 other friends are supposed to meet at SMU to practice guitar. I was a noob at guitar, and I wasn't really keen as we are going there from early noon. I haven't been sleeping enough, and if I go there in the early noon, it means that I'll stay there until evening before I go for my short 45 minutes of piano class. However, as I went, we really had a great time jamming, playing new songs and I learned some new chords. During the piano class, I also realized that I already knew many of the dynamics, musicality and techniques I can work on if I want to improve much more, it gave me perspective that I can continue to improve much more. The Monday was like a musicality day, but little did I know what God has in stored for me in music did not stop here.
Freshman Team Building camp
Tuesday(21/7/2015) was the first day of the FTB orientation run 2. As I was sick, I did not join my OG for a pre-camp meet up. However I was not nervous, even before I met them I knew that they will be an awesome bunch who wants to bond. It also just happened that me and Pei Da are in the same OG out of 40. I knew Pei Da since Secondary 2 when I first came to Hope Church, it was also then that he came. It also happened that one of my church brother's close friend(Wei Qi), whom I just met weeks before, happened to be in my OG too.
Even on the first day, our group was distinctly different from other OGs. Other OGs may be playing cards, games and forfeits. But our OG spent most time just to bond and know each other, from sharing interesting stuff, to 2 truths 1 lie, to sharing about one of the SMU Lifelesson Values that relates to us. Through the sharings, it could be seen that many pursue individuality, they pursue to find significance, they pursue to find love and true friends, they pursue to discover themselves and all that life has to offer to them. I am excited for them because they will surely discover more in Uni, and also because God is the one who helps us discover and receive it all, I for one can testify over and over again to that.
Over the 3 days, we just kept sharing about our lives to each other, be it through games like Burning Bridges, I Have Never, Truth or Dare or just open discussions. I also got to have personal conversations with almost all of my group mates and their lives can be surprising. You cannot judge a book by a cover on who may be attached or not, who may club or not, who may be quiet or loud. But I'm really glad to know each and every one of them, and am proud that we are still actively meeting up and talking. Even though we did not get best clan award, I honestly thought we are the best OG ever! You guys rock :)
I really believe that God was the true head facilitator of the camp. The camp committee agreed that FTB Run 2 was a blast. And as the camp theme was divergent, my clan was Candor. They have cheers like "Candor tell me the truth. (Everyone crosses fingers) #Truth!" and tag lines like "The truth will prevail", "The truth will set you free". Are these not lines that are found in the Bible? Jesus said these. He said the truth will set you free, and said "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, you can come to God the Father through me". These are truths that I hold dearly in my faith and continually claim and see coming true through the experiences in my life.
Awakening - Heaven Week Finale
http://in5d.com/signs-and-symptoms-of-a-spiritual-awakening/
After the events of dengue, bad circumstances, a turn around & FTB camp, the Most Crazy 4 days HAPPENED
Day 1 - Wake
We broke camp at 4pm on Thursday(23/7/2015). I was really tired as I only slept 4h during camp. Many went home and go to sleep. But I went home and went to a wake. A good friend's father passed away. This good friend really cares for others and loves God, but this passing came suddenly. I did not know his family but I came for the wake. God also gave me a Word of Knowledge for the friend, and convicted me to help him as he rests in this period. As the Eulogy was being shared, I started crying and I could not stop myself. I did not even know my friend's father, but I was so overwhelmed then. It reminded me of when Jesus went to Lazarus' wake, and he wept for him and his family. Even though Jesus was going to raise him up from the dead, He still felt so overwhelmed with compassion that He wept along with the family. The pastor also shared during the wake, that what the world truly needs, is just a bit of love. Not more money, not more health, not more beauty, but just love for each other.
That is what God is too. God is Love, and He commands us to love Him with our all, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. It is said in 1 John 4:7-12,
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.Can I have an Amen to that? It is all about Love, Love, Love..
Day 2 - The Inner Room
I went home and slept for 11h before starting my Friday(24/7/2015). I would usually start my day with the Bible, but I decided to ate food first. I checked out a new sermon by a new speaker as I ate, it was "The Call to the Inner Room" by Banning Liebscher. It was the first time I listened to this guy. But man, he spoke with such humor, such truth and such love. As I listened, I became so in awe. He was speaking a Word that resonated so deeply with me. It was THE WORD that concludes the experiences I’ve been through in the past 8 months after ORD-ing. It was also THE WORD for the rest of this year and the future ahead.
God is Life, we are part of this Life too. God does not simply moves through events, objects or places. No, He moves through men, for we are alive and we receive and give His love. Many are called, but few are chosen. Why? Because many did not respond. How can we respond? By going to the inner room of prayer. God watches over our lives and He loves to be found (Just as a father would want to be found by his child in Hide-and-seek). He yearns to speak to us and be with us, so we simply have to come to him personally. Ask-Seek-Knock, and the door will open unto you. I’ve started spending more time in personal prayer, and it gave me such peace of mind, love, excitement and security in being myself and in doing things that I do. Because the more I do so, the more I know God is with me, He loves me, He loves all people, and He will be with me to the very end of the age as I also love others.
It’s really cool that Church Corporate Prayer Meet was in the evening, so we can come to pray together just after I listened to a sermon about prayer. The prayer meet was the most ministering one ever, it was not one where we had to pray a lot for others, but we simply received God’s love personally through the time. God spoke to me different Words of Knowledge that He wanted me to share with some in my LG, and our LG also prayed for each others, and those who were not around. God is such a personal God, and He will continue to move in Singapore as we continue to commune with Him in His love for us and the nation. SG50, the year of Jubilee, may you show your favor upon us just as you do to the Israelites, whenever they turn to you in earnest prayer.
Day 3 - Progress
Lying on my bed, I look at my phone, it was already 8am on Saturday(25/7/2015). I could not sleep at all, I was on my bed the whole time, but I was overwhelmed by all that God has spoken to me and all that He has done in my life, so I kept thinking about it the whole night. As I saw the sunrise, it reminded me of the song "This is Living" by Hillsong Young & Free.
Waking up knowing there's a reason
All my dreams come alive
Life is for living with You
I've made my decision
And so I got out of my bed, and I just suddenly decided to play this song on the piano for the first time. After a few playings, I recorded and uploaded it as my very first piano cover in years.
During service, the message was on "Progress through Challenges", which was the last core value in the Singapore pledge. Pastor Tim shared about how his hip sprained and hurt unbearably during this service, but he chooses to fix his eyes on God instead, just as Jacob wrestled with God and did not let go. It reminded me of when my right knee felt dislocated and my knee and shins was painful before a prayer meeting. I had to limp. When I thought of Jacob and continue to pray, I ignored the pain and just seek God. At the end of the meeting, I jumped about and realized the pain and loose feeling was gone, it never came back!
The service host, Samuel also shared about his testimony on finding the ideal job. He shared that for 6 months after graduation, he could not settle in a job, he was anxious, but God brought him to an ideal job after this saga. Then we had tithing, even before the testimony, I already set out in my heart to just give $50 even though that was a big sum, out of my thanks and trust in God. During my 8 months since I ORD-ed, I haven't got a job outside, and I did not manage to find any tuition jobs for months. However, the moment service ended, I took out my phone and a tuition agency staff contacted to tell me that I got a job, and even for one with a good starting pay of $360 per month!
After service, my LG went to Botanic Gardens for picnic and sports. I was supposedly dying of tiredness, but I was fine.
Day 4 - Bidding High
Lying on my bed, I look at my phone, it was already 6am on Sunday (26/7/2015). I managed to fall asleep for 1h, but woke up and could not sleep anymore, despite already not being able to sleep the whole night before. I was prompted to go downstairs and play another piano cover on God of Justice. I put the Candor logo for mp3 as it seems to represent not just integrity but ruling justly. I then slept for another 3h.
I went to morning service with Raja(An Indian man that me and some Church friends talked to, spent time with and brought to Church). It just so happened that my family was seating at the place where me and Raja would seat when we reached. And it also happened that my aunt decided to visit my Church out of the blue. Raja was blessed to see my whole family there as he hopes his family will come too. I am blessed too, it's the first time my whole family(and even my aunt) came when I was not the one who invited or go with them.
After we sent Raja back to Geylang Bahru residence, we started to invite the residents for our Church SG50 celebration. I could only stay for a while, but I really loved the initiative. Next Sunday, a shuttle bus will come to bring us and the residents to go for the performance.
I was on my way for the SMU Bidding 101 class, organized by my Church group, SMU Hope family. Before I went for it, I continually pray over it, and over my OG, that God will continually bring more people to come for it, more than expected, more than listed. I was already stunned when the announced number of visiting freshies was 57. I was even more shocked when 8 of my OG mates turned up, 1 of them came without saying anything. I was MOST Shocked, when through the whole session, from 2 to 4pm, visitors just keep coming in, and a total of 109 freshies came and are blessed through the Bidding talk. We had many friendly facilitators who shared anything and everything about bidding, and the rooms in SMU Labs were cozy.
Picture Credited to Sofia Wang
The Grand Finale
Lying on my bed, I look at my phone, it was already.. 2pm on Monday(27/7/2015), I finally got a bit of proper rest and slept for 9h. I overslept and missed an appointment. I went to meet Pei Da to hang out and dinner. We spent so much time talking and eating that it was already 7.30pm. I was supposed to go for a Bible Study elsewhere, but as I was already in SMU. I went for the SMU Hope Family Meet with Pei Da and the rest.
When I went for the family meet, the worship was really ministering, it was faith-filled, and the spirit led me to share a Word from 1 Corinthians 2:9
However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—
After sharing it, I realized that the daily bible verse on phone was the exact same verse too.
Zelanie began to share about "Amazing God - Living a Faith-filled Life". She shared that we can actually amaze God with our faith. In the Bible, there are 2 incidents when Jesus was amazed by the people. Once, Jesus was back at His hometown, but he could not do many miracles as the people doubted that He was the Son of God, seeing that He was born an "ordinary" birth when He was young. Jesus was also amazed at the Centurion, because the Centurion had such great faith that Jesus will heal his servant without going to where the servant is resting.
She then shared about 2 keys to know if we are living faith-filled lives:
The 1st is our prayer life, when we pray to God, do we simply pray prayers like "God I am going to work and I am tired, please make me not so tired and let work be okay today." Or do we pray
"God I am tired, and I don't know why I started working here. But I know that you have placed me here for a purpose, I pray that you sustain me, you let me meet the colleagues and clients you want me to interact with, that you will mold me and teach me something here, that your presence will be with me tangibly, and I pray that you will bring people to come to know you and build your Kingdom here in this workplace." Both are about work, but one simply hopes work won't be bad, the other sees in faith at the more that God has for him as he goes there.
The 2nd is if God is answering our prayers. Answering our prayers is not the same as God saying YES to all our requests. But it means that when we pray to God, He responds to us by speaking to us and moving in our lives. I've experienced God answering my prayers, even almost immediately, especially over the past 4 days of awakening.
I can feel the Holy Spirit burning in me, especially during moments such as when He speaks to me personally or when He gives me Words of Knowledge for people around me. He answered my prayer to have more energy and rest in Him on Friday night, such that even when I have such a serious insomnia, I don't really feel tired and am brimming with energy. He answered my prayer of wanting tuition jobs unknowingly(I just got 1 more student!!). He brought my whole family and my aunt to come for service. He blessed the Bidding 101 class way beyond what I prayed for. He knew my heart better than me and made me come to SMU Hope Family Meet instead of Bible Study class, to receive the plans that He had set out for me.
As I went home that night, Evangelist Daniel Koalenda, one of the few men of God I followed, JUST SO HAPPENED to post 1 Corinthians 2:9 and share it as a confirmation message again.
At this point, you may be wondering, this is plain crazy. You may be wondering, why am I not experiencing such things too? And you may be wondering why the title is called "The Psalm 23 Life".
I named it "The Psalm 23 Life" because this is the most famous Psalm in the Bible and it says:
In the short 6 verses, David put his trust in God in the Yes moments(Where God answers and provides for him), in the No moments(Where things seem bad and bleak - the dark valley), and in the Maybes(That God will anoint him, and continually pour His love and goodness). Our Church also went through this Yes, No, Maybe 3 part series a while back. And the week after, we had the IMMEASURABLE special service. For me, this crazy 2.5 weeks that I've been through was a "No, Maybe & Yes" journey.
Even up till today on this Wednesday, God is continually blessing me, his Holy Spirit continues to burn in me. He is so amazing, such that I can only say again, that I cannot perceive and imagine the things God is preparing for me as I continue to love Him. He is going to continue doing IMMEASURABLY MORE.
When we choose to trust that God loves us, that He provides, and He will do more in the lives of those who loves Him. When we choose to read the Bible and obey His Word. Even if we go through a Hell week, a Hell month, or a Hell year, or even face death itself. God is faithful, He will make a way out(even if not in the present physical life), and He will bless you way more than you can imagine. Let us trust in Him today
