Today was such a wonderful day! As we had worship during service, I was so filled with passion and joy to praise God, and so in love to want to exalt Him! It was throughout the praise, the worship and even prayer meet after service.
As I worshiped with my being, I even pondered, what made my soul want to exalt and praise Him so so much? Was it because God poured in many tangible blessings during the week? Was it because He spoke to me and ministered to me personally recently?
It's true that God has spoke to me and that He loves me, but it was more than that. I just read the book of Psalms this week. Many of the Psalms were so beautifully written, about God's glory, about his enduring love, about the wondrous things God done, about honest cries and praises by David and the people, about delighting in God's law and presence.. As I meditate on them, it just lit this joy in my soul, that my entire soul indeed wants to ever praise my God! Just as the Psalmists and David, who even in persecution, oppression, wealth, and all seasons continually sang unto God, I'm just so much more awed of God, for being who He is, not about what I'm going through, not about the blessings I receive and perceive, but just how wonderful God is. As I worshiped with the song Ever Be by Bethel, it just really resounded with my soul, what a joy to sing unto God, that His praises will ever be on my lips :)
During the NS Prayer Meet, we ended off the time by praying prophetically over each other. I prayed for a brother who just joined the ministry a few months ago, and God gave me the word "serve", and as I prayed. Though I don't know the brother well, I sensed that this brother really wants to serve God more as he comes into the ministry and into NS, and God sees his heart to serve and loves him. Though things may feel mundane and tiring at times, God wants him to come and experience even more of His love and His heart to provide and even serve him. Jesus came not just to die for us, but even to serve us, though we are unworthy of His love. He wants to pour out His love more and more unto this brother, so that he can pour it out abundantly as he serves too. It was indeed this brother's heart's cry to want to serve God more and he is really grateful for God's faithfulness and love to him.
And as that brother prayed for me, he spoke to me about the times where I experienced persecution in NS, and say that God sees me and thanks me for going through it with Him, and holding to Him through the 2 years. I was shocked as He doesn't really know me and my NS experience, and he also shared about how more is to come in the future, but God will be there with me. And as he was ending off the prayer, he felt a very tangible presence and saw God's hand coming over me. I was so blessed by the prayer and worship, and again know how much my Father loves me :')
Even so, as prayer meet ended, the devil put this insecurity and pride again in my heart. Some conversations and things about rising up and leading in the ministry affected me, reminding me about how I joined SEAL but did not rise up to lead. Part of it was because of how I had pride, and it would not be good to lead while I had this pride. However, I felt that I may be wrongly perceived to be more prideful at times. I felt really hurt as I thought about it. I prayed to God and got to share about it.
I was shared that while everyone also has pride, sometimes I'm blinded by the pride I have and it would affect me more if I lead. It is a struggle, and regardless of whether what others say is true or not, I have a choice whether to be affected by it or not, to let how others perceive me affect my walk with God, or to simply want to glorify God and worship Him. I was surprised that I was suddenly very affected by this issue again. But it is my heart's cry to ever worship and glorify God, I pray that I'll be even more aware of my identity and the riches of His love, and that He must be more, and I must be less, for that is why I live.
God really spoke to me about my identity and intimacy with Him, even when the devil comes to kill, steal and destroy, through Todd White's sharing. Todd White was a drug addict and atheist for 22 years, he was also in a rock band and was hurting his family and the people around him. However, he was radically set free when Jesus entered his life, and he is bringing Christ love and truth to people wherever he goes, even healing and giving word of knowledge to people through the Holy Spirit, wherever he goes. God has simply opened Todd’s eyes to this truth and that the Holy Spirit wants to flow through every believer everywhere we go, at work, school, grocery stores, malls, gas stations, everywhere. His true joy is being able to reproduce in people the simplicity of this reality, in a 24/7 kingdom lifestyle! This is for every believer! No one is excluded! He has such intimacy with Jesus, with the Holy Spirit and with the Father, and I also want to draw closer to God, to claim my identity and share even more of His love and truth to others. Do listen to Todd's sharing called "Know Who You Are & Don't Forget It" below, you are dearly loved:
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