However, during the mission trip, as Ernest played the guitar there, I was just drawn to it. I would sing and harmonize with him, and also ask him to show me some of the basic guitar chords so that I could try to play the guitar. One of my teammates genuinely felt that my singing voice was really nice, and I was taken aback by the compliment.
I love to worship God, to sing unto Him daily, to even express it through a little dancing at times or through the piano. During this mission trip, a yearning to play the guitar in worship to God started to grow.
When I came back to Singapore on Tuesday night, I found out that there was a Worship seminar on Thursday. I went for it and was so ministered by Dan McCollam’s message. He shared about how God delights in each different beautiful sound that each individual has in worship unto Him. He also shared about how each person has a special grace, be it a grace of being pastoral, or a prophetic grace etc, and that’s just part of how God created him/her to be. That really spoke to me regarding my struggle, as it made me see that yes I can be misunderstood and all, but God delights in my own unique and beautiful sound unto Him. He has given me special grace and calling in my life, be it in worship, be it in ministering in Japan in the future etc, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made in Him. Jeanette, my LGL, also asked if my spiritual pathway was worship, and yes it is, it reminds me of how I delight in worship unto God. I don’t remember the first message I heard when I came to Hope, but I remembered how tangible God’s love felt during the worship, that I chose to say the sinners’ prayer and receive Jesus into my life.
Then, Shing Chun told me about the SMU ministry guitar workshop on Friday. Terence was conducting it, and it happened to be the very first out of three sessions that Friday. I knew about it just in time, and I was thrilled to learn the guitar more. I was so happy as I started playing and singing Forever by Kari Jobe, really noob-ishly after the session. Then it just so happened that on Saturday, Alphonso from NS ministry decided to hold a guitar lesson for anybody who’s interested too. I went and continued to practice, to hone the basics more, like to slowly learn to press chords and strum better.
I’m so excited to pick up the guitar as God opens this door to it. And I can soon worship God accompanying with it. I just thank God so much, for showing me that he leads me to be who I am, and he has given me my own special grace, my own spiritual pathway, my own special calling, my own talents, and that these are all things I can delight in. Even if I am different, these things that God gave me and wired me to be are wonderful as it is.
I just watched Pitch Perfect 1 and even the movie spoke to me. I find myself to be able to relate a lot to Beca, the main heroine. (SPOILER) Beca has a real cool interest in DJ-ing, mixing music and creating songs, however some people like her father do not appreciate this gifting of hers. She also joined the Barden Bellas. She felt things could be done differently and better, so she suggested, and even spontaneously add an original mix to the song the team was singing during the competition in an attempt to help. The leader did not see eye-to-eye with her and disagreed with her opinions, to the point where Beca almost had to leave the Bellas. In the end, Beca acknowledged that it was too much for her to suddenly sang her own way during the competition without telling her teammates. The leader forgives her and took in her view, and the Barden Bellas started singing differently, but ever better than before after Beca’s input.
While I’m not saying that I am very gifted or have better opinions like Beca, I relate to her because she had interests that are different from others and sometimes others don’t appreciate it. She has a valid and good opinion in her team, but sometimes people just don’t understand or accept it. There are people who care for and love her, but she pushed them away because she felt they don’t really understand her. I relate to her in all of these. However, thanks be to God, that I’m beautiful just the way I am to Him, just as how every son and daughter is to Him. I also need to value others more, and not just think about how I can help or be understood. And lastly, I should not distant myself from people who love/care for me, even if they may not fully understand, for love makes a way and God loves us even before we knew Him.
I also want to thank Nicole for praying for me after the Uni service too. It was her first time praying for someone as God drops a vision for the person to her. She shared that she saw a flower in a field, the flower blossomed and continued to blossom into a very very beautiful flower. And told me that even if I may feel different/misunderstood, God wants to assure me that I’m just as that flower is. It really ministered to me, and I’m so glad to be running this race with this sister :)
I also want to thank the people who celebrated my birthday last week too :) My mission team for celebrating just at 12am of my birthday, even singing a Joel edition of Noel for me and affirming me. My SALG family, for coming all the way down to the airport even from 3.30pm, preparing a funny surprise for me. My parents and aunt who fetch me from the airport, and accommodated to eat my fav Jap cuisine with me. My SMU LG who celebrated for me during our very first LG together. And after Uni service, I was really surprised when the ORD LG guys stayed back just to celebrate for me. They were all in different Uni ministries and had to rush off to join their LGs thereafter. But they came together to sing for me, to give me a life-changing muffin, a personal card and a very unique gift. I’m so happy to have these brothers in this family in Christ. We will have a meet up real soon k :)
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