However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”
the things God has prepared for those who love him—
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”
the things God has prepared for those who love him—
1 Corinthians 2:9
In case you don't already know, I was an autistic child. I was often bullied when I'm young, and I even did really badly for my studies in the past. I was very addicted to games and I did not like to talk to people or go to school when I was sec 1. Looking back, one can only declare that God has transformed my life. Radically, all through the love of Christ.
This post that I'm sharing today, is about how I am just a human, and even a soft-spoken, incapable, struggling and flawed one. Yet, despite of who I am, God used me in ways I could not imagine to be his salt and light.
Start of Christian Journey SAGA (Before NS)
So, even after I became a Christian in sec 2. I still got bullied sometimes as I was still autistic. However, the difference was that Christ's love in my life drove out insecurities and low self-esteem, and compelled me to initiate to talk to and reach out to people. And amazingly, my first sheep was my class bully, who still continued to bully me after coming to Hope. We were desk buddies throughout sec 3. I was very incapable as a shepherd, but I did what I could to do life with my sheep. He had to leave to study in HK at sec 4, but he started to desire to walk with God more just then.
Then came sec 4, I became desk buddies with Shaun. We shared about interests, and eventually he came to Hope. He could not really experience God, and eventually he left, to focus on A levels and commitments. I was still an inexperienced counselor, and had difficulties conveying the reality of God and the personal relationship we were created to have with Jesus to Shaun. However, through God's sovereignty, he placed both of us in the same school (SAJC, without us planning beforehand). Furthermore, we were in the same CCAs, we studied and failed together all the time(LOL!), and the school's motto is "No One Is Here By Chance". When A levels ended, Shaun came to Hope again, and said the prayer to receive Jesus in his life personally for the first time. That was just a few days before I entered NS.
2013 till Present (NS)
In case you don't already know, I was an autistic child. I was often bullied when I'm young, and I even did really badly for my studies in the past. I was very addicted to games and I did not like to talk to people or go to school when I was sec 1. Looking back, one can only declare that God has transformed my life. Radically, all through the love of Christ.
This post that I'm sharing today, is about how I am just a human, and even a soft-spoken, incapable, struggling and flawed one. Yet, despite of who I am, God used me in ways I could not imagine to be his salt and light.
Start of Christian Journey SAGA (Before NS)
So, even after I became a Christian in sec 2. I still got bullied sometimes as I was still autistic. However, the difference was that Christ's love in my life drove out insecurities and low self-esteem, and compelled me to initiate to talk to and reach out to people. And amazingly, my first sheep was my class bully, who still continued to bully me after coming to Hope. We were desk buddies throughout sec 3. I was very incapable as a shepherd, but I did what I could to do life with my sheep. He had to leave to study in HK at sec 4, but he started to desire to walk with God more just then.
Then came sec 4, I became desk buddies with Shaun. We shared about interests, and eventually he came to Hope. He could not really experience God, and eventually he left, to focus on A levels and commitments. I was still an inexperienced counselor, and had difficulties conveying the reality of God and the personal relationship we were created to have with Jesus to Shaun. However, through God's sovereignty, he placed both of us in the same school (SAJC, without us planning beforehand). Furthermore, we were in the same CCAs, we studied and failed together all the time(LOL!), and the school's motto is "No One Is Here By Chance". When A levels ended, Shaun came to Hope again, and said the prayer to receive Jesus in his life personally for the first time. That was just a few days before I entered NS.
2013 till Present (NS)
My BMT phase of NS was a "valley of baka" for me. I was initially down because I could very well pass NAPFA and not serve the extra 2 months of BMT. However, when I entered, I was motivated to excel and train up. While I did become fitter, my medical problems aggravated. I had a serious tail bone and lower back pain, I was more easily giddy and I had lots of difficulties hearing what my commanders and bunk mates said. Also, during the first month of my BMT, I had a serious throat infection and I ate antibiotics for weeks. I was also well-known to be the company's most blur recruit, as I always missed instructions due to hearing problems and also because I'm naturally blur.
I was often on status (Meaning that I cannot participate in training, but just watch or do Sai Kang). I missed lots of trainings, and I started to ask God, what am I even doing here? I can't even go through everything with my section mates and support them, so how can I show your love to them? And I also wondered if I could ever make up for all the missed trainings. Eventually, I even chao keng and get MC once as I was so sian. I felt cui, and more far from God than usual. (Unable to love my section mates, chao keng, not finding much purpose in BMT)
Yet, at such a time God blessed me with miraculous A level results. And also posted me to Paya Lebar Airbase when I down PES and could not complete BMT. I saw how gracious God is and how he always hope in me and has plans for me, no matter how cui I was in BMT.
At Paya Lebar Airbase, I never conceived that God would put me in a section where I would work with 2 Satanists, and a Catholic who dislikes Christians. There was tension between me and my upper studies, but it wasn't mainly because I am a Christian. It was because I was blur and unfamiliar with work, and yet my upper studies kept scolding me and made life hard for me (Such as by recommending extras whenever I make a mistake, when it is tolerable). They also think that I have a bad work attitude and that I chao keng, even though I did not and am working diligently.
Because of this, I had to pray daily to God to help me forgive the bitterness I have against them, and for God to move to help them know God's love and for God to use me to impact them. Even so, somewhere I my heart, I still dreaded going to work, not because of work, but because of how I was treated there.
I was often on status (Meaning that I cannot participate in training, but just watch or do Sai Kang). I missed lots of trainings, and I started to ask God, what am I even doing here? I can't even go through everything with my section mates and support them, so how can I show your love to them? And I also wondered if I could ever make up for all the missed trainings. Eventually, I even chao keng and get MC once as I was so sian. I felt cui, and more far from God than usual. (Unable to love my section mates, chao keng, not finding much purpose in BMT)
Yet, at such a time God blessed me with miraculous A level results. And also posted me to Paya Lebar Airbase when I down PES and could not complete BMT. I saw how gracious God is and how he always hope in me and has plans for me, no matter how cui I was in BMT.
At Paya Lebar Airbase, I never conceived that God would put me in a section where I would work with 2 Satanists, and a Catholic who dislikes Christians. There was tension between me and my upper studies, but it wasn't mainly because I am a Christian. It was because I was blur and unfamiliar with work, and yet my upper studies kept scolding me and made life hard for me (Such as by recommending extras whenever I make a mistake, when it is tolerable). They also think that I have a bad work attitude and that I chao keng, even though I did not and am working diligently.
Because of this, I had to pray daily to God to help me forgive the bitterness I have against them, and for God to move to help them know God's love and for God to use me to impact them. Even so, somewhere I my heart, I still dreaded going to work, not because of work, but because of how I was treated there.
But a miracle happened, God opened the heart of one of the Satanist, Etienne. We got to talk and share about our beliefs and lives more. He decided to come for 2013 August ESS (Keep Calm & Look Up). Though he did not come to know God yet, he was surprised by how welcomed he felt. He eventually received Christ into his life and had been walking really closely with God since then. As I guided and do life with Etienne, God equipped me to be a better counselor and to better love him with God's love.
I also began to realize that God was expanding my influence. He placed my first sheep (Gan Qi) back into my life, by putting him at my neighboring company while I was in BMT. I am still reaching out to him, though he is really busy. He also used me to reach out to friends like Min Jin, Sebastian, Robby, Eugene and Harvey. And even my cousins like Amanda and Alex. And in my army section, my upper studies already ORD-ed, my current section mates are gradually opening their hearts more to God and are open to visit Hope sometime. God also increased my talents, from 1 to 4 sheep.
God also caught me by surprise when I suddenly received the email to join SEAL course. SEAL is a course for those in our Church who are potential future Lifegroup Leaders in NS and Uni. I honestly did not expect it. And I thank God for reminding me as I wanted to be humble, just on the morning of SEAL interview, I saw the daily verse "Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves." (Philippians 2:3). As I know that all these influence that God gave me, is by his sovereign will, his grace and his empowerment, just as he had gave to others.
Lastly, I just want to thank God for how he is moving in my family. Though I did not contact my brother much since he study in London, my brother found a community of believers to fellowship and look to Jesus together, though he was far from God before going to London. In fact, he is coming back to Singapore for a break today! And also, God used a person I don't know to lead my mum and dad to go to Church regularly again. We are even going to have a family fellowship/LG this week. All these can never happen, if not for God's grace.
I also began to realize that God was expanding my influence. He placed my first sheep (Gan Qi) back into my life, by putting him at my neighboring company while I was in BMT. I am still reaching out to him, though he is really busy. He also used me to reach out to friends like Min Jin, Sebastian, Robby, Eugene and Harvey. And even my cousins like Amanda and Alex. And in my army section, my upper studies already ORD-ed, my current section mates are gradually opening their hearts more to God and are open to visit Hope sometime. God also increased my talents, from 1 to 4 sheep.
God also caught me by surprise when I suddenly received the email to join SEAL course. SEAL is a course for those in our Church who are potential future Lifegroup Leaders in NS and Uni. I honestly did not expect it. And I thank God for reminding me as I wanted to be humble, just on the morning of SEAL interview, I saw the daily verse "Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves." (Philippians 2:3). As I know that all these influence that God gave me, is by his sovereign will, his grace and his empowerment, just as he had gave to others.
Lastly, I just want to thank God for how he is moving in my family. Though I did not contact my brother much since he study in London, my brother found a community of believers to fellowship and look to Jesus together, though he was far from God before going to London. In fact, he is coming back to Singapore for a break today! And also, God used a person I don't know to lead my mum and dad to go to Church regularly again. We are even going to have a family fellowship/LG this week. All these can never happen, if not for God's grace.
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Spiritual Influence is different from the world. It is not about your loud voice, or impressive communication skills, or even your looks. It's also not about your achievements and confidence. But rather, it comes to those who love God, and commit their lives to God, so that God can do an amazing work through their lives. And at times, you do not even have to be the one that reach out to a person, for even faithful prayers can bring about spiritual influence, for God to move in that person's life to come to know him.
So, no matter what season of life you are in now. Know this: "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6)
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